The only time I wish I was completely unattractive...

You know what I don't get? Why is it that everyone seems to like me all of a sudden? I mean, I can count five guys that like me right now, and one of them asked me out two days ago. This is ridiculous because:

1) He doesn't even know me! I mean, we'd probably said twenty words to each other before he asked me out!

2) Okay, just about everyone knows that I'm kinda sorta hung up on someone else right now. If this person knows that, then why would he bother asking me out? And if he doesn't know, then he's bad at paying attention to details, which is so not a quality that girls want in a guy.

3) HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ME!!

Let's name this guy Chuck. Chuck is a really nice guy. Even though I know virtually nothing about him, I've been able to gather that he's sweet. No, he's not super hott or anything, but he's not fugly either. That's not why I'm going to reject him. The following reasons ARE why I'm going to reject him, though.

A) Chuck knows nothing about me, so how can he possibly expect to have a relationship with me? For all he knows, I could be the biggest bitch alive or a total slut. He wouldn't want to have a relationship with someone like that. Chuck may be nice, but he's sure not a thinker, and I don't like that.

B) Chuck is starting to seem a little bit like a stalker. This past April, I did have a stalker, but he only stalked me in school. Of course, I didn't like him like that; I was merely nice to him. I was/am also nice to Chuck, so I think that's why he's all goo-goo-eyed over me right now. I didn't flirt with him AT ALL. And if I did, I sure as hell don't remeber it, so he has no other reason to like me. Back in April, my stalker would follow me around the school during lunch and in between classes. I started to get stressed out and scared because I couldn't bring myself to just get rid of him. When he asked if I had a boyfriend, I said no, but I should've said yes. When he asked if I wanted to have lunch with him, I should've said no, but I didn't have to heart to do it. I hid from him at lunch instead... and long story short, I ended up with my first ever boyfriend who was supposed to pretend to be my boyfriend so that I'd have an excuse to reject my stalker. It turned out that my "boyfriend" actually wanted to be my boyfriend.... and so we went out, but that's another story for another time. ANYHOO.... Today at lunch, Chuck kept following me everywhere. I would go out in the band hall to talk to Cassie, and Chuck followed right at my heels. I went to the otherside of the band hall and sat on the risers, and Chuck came right along with me and stood by me until the guy I was sitting by got up. Then Chuck decided he needed to sit by me. I was feeling uncomfortable, so eventually, I stood up and walked back into the band room, and wouldn't ya know it? Chuck remained my shadow. I went to sit in a chair, and he came and sat behind me. I didn't really talk to him because I just wanted him to go away. You think he would get a clue...

C) I'm still hung up on Jay. I know I have no chance with him, but I still really like him. Unlike Chuck, I don't stalk my crushes. I've left Jay alone during lunch for the most part...except when I just wanted to see him. He doesn't seem to mind. He doesn't walk away from me like I walk away from Chuck. But more to the point, I don't like Chuck the way he likes me. Maybe if Jay didn't cloud my mind, I might just try going out with Chuck. The thing is, it wouldn't be fair to Chuck if while I dated him, I still had strong feelings for Jay. I can't just make those go away. I wish I could, because my feelings are so not being returned, but it's just not going to happen. If I dated Chuck right now, I would still always be thinking about Jay, and that would make me a shitty girlfriend. I refuse to do that to anyone, so I really just can't date Chuck.

If I explain all of this to him, will he understand and be okay with it? Or will he think I'm lying and just assume that I think he's fugly and annoying. I mean...he is kind of annoying, but that has nothing to do with why I don't have a crush on him. Either tomorrow he'll ask for my phone number, or he'll ask me out again, or he'll wait until early next week to try again. I wish he would just give up, but I doubt it. Either way, I'll have to deal with him and let him down as easily as I can.

Cassie wouldn't be too happy if she read this...

Things have been looking up a little bit...

Okay, so I'm half excited, and half not excited....

I'm officially going to the Corn Maze on the night of Halloween. And it's gonna be awesome!!! I hope!!!....I mean...the people I'm going with aren't my first choice or anything, but I still hope to have fun. I've wanted to go to the Corn Maze sooo bad, and I was convinced that I wouldn't get the opportunity. But 'lo!!! I'm going, and afterwards...well I'm not sure what I'll be doing. I don't plan on going home until Saturday, so I hope I can stay at a friend's house or something. I just want to have the most fun I've ever had!! I'm not sure how I'm going to make that happen, but I'll find a way. Hopefully....

So this past week was better then I thought it would be. I mean...there was a moment today when I wanted to rip a certain someone's throat out, but I'm over it now. At least until Monday... : /

Did I mention that I found the secret to my happiness? No?? Hmm...well I did! I'm hesitant to share it though because 1) most of you will find it stupid, 2) most of you won't believe me, and 3) I'd rather let people figure it out for themselves. It's fascinating, though...I found this out on Tuesday, and since then, I've been doing the same thing, and it's been working. Now, I don't know for sure that my secret to happiness is the same a everyone else's, but I might be willing to bet money that it is. Ha, now I feel smart. xD

Next! Saw IV came out in theaters today!! Holy Jeebus, I wanna see that soo bad!! But I can't. :(

Cassie won't go with me because she's a wimp and no one else will because...well...I haven't exactly asked...but I don't like asking people things like that. I'm not sure why... But I still want to go! Perhaps I'll skip school one day soon and go see it... Yeah...

My wisdom teeth are bothering me... I couldn't eat at all yesterday because of them!! Stupid bitchheads!! >.>



So check it out. I was messing around not too long ago when I was home by myself, and I decided to hang a nice little message in the doorway to my room. It was great because when everybody else got home, my brother walked up to the doorway and read the paper. I just stood there watching him...and he kept standing there, looking up at the paper. Then he goes, "Why am I supposed to keep looking up?"

Yes, right then I laughed. Obnoxiously. The retard actually stood there for like two minutes and looked up at the ceiling. Can you believe it?? Ha!! Good times, good times.

It was almost as good as the time I cut out a bunch of letters from blue construction paper and then formed them into a message which I taped a message on the wall in my mom's room. It read, "Don't poop in your sock!"

The best part was how I took one of my mom's socks and taped it to the wall, and then I drew a picture of animated dog crap and cut it out. It had little flies and everything! And then I put it inside the sock so it was partially showing.

My mom almost had a cow when she came home!! It was priceless! I think I actually did it for April Fool's day. I made her leave it on her wall for like a month before the letters and sock full of paper poop started to fall down. That was a very sad day indeed...



Woow...rereading what I just wrote reminds me of just how sick I can be. I can be the sweetest person, or the biggest bitch, or (like just now) I can be the most sick-minded person you will every meet. The shades of me... Interesting...

Well, now it's time to post a piece of fictitious writing. Hope you'll check it out!!
Have a great weekend!!

Dreams are bogus...

You know what I just discovered? No, I'm not talking about how I had an "epiphany" in English about how perfect conformity and perfect individuality do not exist. I'm talking about the same old crap I've been talking about.

On Sunday, I was thinking waaaay too much (as I often do), and I decided something. You know that "someone" I was talking about in my previous blog?.... Well, it might be easier to give him a false name. Let's call him... Jay. I like Jay. I like Jay a lot. You have no idea. Well, maybe you do, but only if you happen to have been in the same position as me.

Jay and I have one class together, seeing as he's three years older than me. Also, my best friend is friends with him, and my best friend's boyfriend is friends with him. So we'd never talked much before, but my best friend Cassie got us talking to each other and we soon became...very well acquainted... The truth is, one Sunday night, we got to the point where we were...almost crazy about each other. I wish you could see the things he would tell me... I even saved the messages, loser that I am, but I prefer to keep those private. The point is, he's the sweetest guy, but he's not a pansy either. Damn near perfect.

Just when it seems like there's a 90% chance we might go out, this other girl shows up and screws everything up. That night marks the night that my heart started to break. This girl all of a sudden decides that she likes Jay. Not a big deal...except the fact that he's had the biggest crush on her for the longest time. So he tells me that he's confused and he can't decide who he wants to be with more; me or her. Apparently, half of him belonged to her and half of him belonged to me. I guess that's a nice thing to hear...except I was already able to see the outcome of what was happening.

Guys don't choose me. It doesn't work that way with me. I was once told that I'm too mysterious, but I think that a person has to be interesting to be mysterious, and I'm not that interesting. So for some other reason, I wasn't good enough for Jay to choose me over her. It's not like I was trying to drag him back to my "side", in fact, I told him that I wasn't going to try and muddle his mind even more. I wanted to be supportive of whatever he wanted to do, and I wasn't planning on making the decision any harder for him. Jay said it might actually be a good thing if I tried to draw him closer to me...and I wrote it off like I didn't feel right about it; like I felt as if I'd be cheating him out of his decision. Yes, that was part of the reason why, but the biggest part is because...well...I don't know how to draw someone to me. I was afraid that I would just screw it up even more. I mean...I wouldn't even know where to start! I once told him that I really wanted to just kiss him, and he said it might help him make up his mind...and I might've, except that I've never done that before.

In order to keep Jay, I would have to do several things for the first time, and I have no idea of how to do any of them. So there I was, waiting for at least a week for Jay to make up his mind. Finally, I told him that I had decided to "drop out of the race". I was still crazy about him, but I couldn't stand the wait any longer. They say that if you love something, you'll let it go, and if it comes back to you, then it's meant to be yours. I'm not saying that I love Jay, because I don't even know what love is, but the analogy still works. I want to be with Jay so bad...and he once said that he wanted to be with me more than breathing itself.

Anyway...I told Jay to just date this other girl and see if it works out. It turns out that they did go out for like...a day before he decided that they should just be friends. Naturally, I was ecstatic about this, but I soon realized that nothing had really changed. To this day, we have still made no progress. He said recently, "I guess I still have feelings for you..." but he's been talking to another girl about what he should do.

Yes, that's right. I said another girl. This one happens to be his "best friend". Whatever. I see them as infatuated with each other. Of course, I'm insanely jealous of her, but I try to hide it the best I can. Let's call this girl Marie. So, from what I understand, Jay and Marie had dated not too long before Jay and I officially met. I actually remember a time during lunch at school when Jay seemed really sad. Cassie talked with him a little and all I really remember is Cassie saying, "So...what, she just doesn't feel the same way anymore?" Jay shrugged and shook his head... I also remember Marie walking into the room for something...and Jay watched her the whole time. I thought nothing of it at the time, but now that I think about it, Marie must've broken up with Jay...while Jay was still in love with her.

No matter how many times I hear, "Oh, they're just friends. They don't feel that way about each other anymore," I know better than that. Come on!!! I read people for a living! I know that they still have strong feelings for each other. I mean, they're ALWAYS around each other... Even now as Jay is out of town for the week... I know he's only thinking about Marie. When he gets back, she'll be the only one he wants to see. I hardly matter to him anymore, even though I remember him saying at one point that I was everything special to him.

I want to be the person he can't wait to see. I want to be his one and only. Sounds crazy, right? Yeah, I know. That's the reason I haven't talked to him about it. I mean...I've been trying hard to be friendly and open and supportive and everything to him...but I've gotten no response. Either he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, so he's ignoring me... or he's seriously missing all my little hints.

Another option is that he does kind of still like me...but he's confiding in Marie. If she still likes him, WHICH SHE DOES, then of course she's not going to want him to be with me. She'll be telling him things like, "Well...I don't know, Jay. She doesn't seem right for you. Maybe you should just give it some more time..." So that's what he's been doing. He's been holding off making a decision because Marie's telling him to. You know why she's doing that? I would bet money it's because she wants to stall him as long as possible until she can get up the courage to confess to him that she wants him back.

If this is true, and I may be totally off, then I have no chance. Marie is better than me in almost every way. I mean...if that wasn't true, then don't you think that Jay would be more in to me? He was SO in to me not too long ago...but then it was like a switch being turned off.

*Sigh* I told him I would wait for him... But that was a while ago. I need to know if I'm wasting my time waiting for something that is likely to never happen. I tried to get him to tell me if that was the case, but as usual, I can't get any straight answers out of him. I want to move on because I'm convinced that nothing is meant to happen between us. There are so many signs which support that.

I need to know what he's thinking. I need to know how he feels. I know how I feel and I think he knows how I feel too. I've worn my heart on my sleeve and have taken the risk of letting others know that I feel strongly for him. If I allow myself to move on under false pretenses, I'll always wonder if I missed out on something I really wanted....Something I want right now...very badly.

I've told him that I don't dream anymore because they never come true. That's kind of a lie... I've been dreaming about this for a while, and believe me, I've tried to make it stop because it scares me, but no such luck. What does that mean? I have no idea, but I have a feeling that if he reads this, then he'll be freaked out and possibly never talk to me again, which is the opposite of what I want. I just hope he'll understand that I'm just as freaked out by this as he is...maybe even more so...

"So what happens when you want something that others want too? Do you fight? Share? Or do you become generous enough to give it all up...?"
~Me

Two guys: A best friend and a nothing-more-than-a-friend friend...

Soooo today was a crappy day. Really. There was crap all over the place, and as you can imagine, it smelled horrific... Ha just kidding. No, the hallways in my school were not lined with shit. I may have a screwed up mind, but I wouldn't write about that because it would get very boring very quickly. I could, however, talk about the horrible day I had...but I'm tired of reliving it. Instead, I'll talk about my best guy friend.

David is amazing. He's the most fun person I know!! Now, before I go on, you all have to know something. David and I are not now and never have crushed on each other. We're pretty damn close to best friends, is all. He has an amazing girlfriend that just moved to Florida over the summer. She actually flew back here to celebrate David's birthday with him and go to our school's homecoming with him. Isn't that awesome?? I thought it was amazing!! They're crazy about each other and I support them 110%.

Now that we have that out of the way, we can move on. David's girlfriend flew in on Thursday, so he only went to school half a day before he left with his mom to go pick up his woman at the airport. They ended up spending the weekend together and David also missed school today so he could take her to the airport and such. BUT he's going to be back at school tomorrow and I'm soo excited!! David makes me laugh, therefore he makes me happy. I like to be happy, so it makes sense that I like to be around David, does it not? Of course it does. And besides, the only other person that can really make me happy is going to be gone all week, so I'm missing out there...except maybe I'm not....

Perhaps being away from this person will help me to think clearer. Perhaps...I can resolve a few things for myself that way I'll know where I stand when I see this person again. But there's always the possibility that I will resolve nothing. And I'm thinking if that happens and I get stuck back at square one...then it may be possible that I'm not deluding myself into thinking I'm feeling more than I really am. In simpler terms (I think), I hope to decifer my feelings before this person gets back. If I still feel the same or I feel even more towards them, then I think it's safe to assume that there are no delusions where I am concerned. But if my feelings have all but vanished by then....well I guess I'm safe.

I expect this person's feelings to have disappeared, so in a way, I'm hoping for my feelings to do the same thing. It's hard to love someone that doesn't love you back. Sure, it's possible, but it hurts every moment of every day. I don't want to feel that anymore...or ever again...but I suppose that's just life, right? Besides....who says I even love him....? >.>

Big Red Firetruck!!

Okay. Since I'm trying to preoccupy my mind and I have nothing better to do at the moment, I've decided to clarify something for EVERYBODY. Now, not everyone will understand what I am about to say, but that's because they aren't in the proper situation just yet.

Love. Relationships. Longing for someone you almost had but lost at the last second. Being alone and hating it. Watching the person you want go about his or her everyday life like you're invisible. Yes, it hurts like hell. I know, believe me.

Many times, you can get so depressed that you start thinking things like, "Why does everyone seem to have someone...except me?" or "Why won't s/he just give me a chance?" or "I want to have somebody so bad. Just somebody...."

The biggest one is, "Why am I not good enough?". Well, friends, think about it long and hard. I don't want to point fingers or embarrass anyone, so I'll change the names to protect the not-so-innocent.

There's a guy that I just "met" and we exchanged phone numbers. Now, if you take the time to get to know me, then you should know how I am about certain things. Especially if you text me. So this guy and I start texting and pretty much the first thing he says is, "You should send me a pic." (Let's call this guy Bob).

Now, I already had an idea of what Bobmeant, but I was hoping really hard that I was wrong. Turns out, I was right, like I often am. He wants me to send him a NUDE picture of myself. Like I said, if you know me, then you'll understand when I say that I was pissed, but I hid it. Every time a guy does that, he only further proves the stereotype that all guys are pigs. I HATE that.


So when I refuse, Bob acts immaturely and stops texting me. I could care less, but the debater in me is itching to correct this guy. I mean, he keeps mentioning this girl that he really likes, but apparently she won't give him a second chance, so he's bummed out all the time. Or so it seems...

So I sent him, "Can I ask you a question? If you're so crazy about this girl you keep talking about, then why are you so insistent on getting pictures of me?" Of course, he never replies. Which means that he couldn't argue with me. He had no come back for that.

If he were smart, he would realize the point I was trying to make, but either he missed it completely or he ignored it because the next day, he is AGAIN asking why this mystery girl won't give him a second chance and talking about how he's falling helplessly for her. I wanted to pull my hair out when I saw this.

Here's the thing. All girls are the same in the respect that they want similar things in guys. They ARE NOT going to want to be with a guy that asks for nude pictures from other girls and cybers with all kinds of different people. That's as bad as cheating. If Bob was really crazy about this girl, then he wouldn't have asked me for those things!!! It's called RESPECT. There's even a song named after it. And guess what? It's sung by a FEMALE. Hint hint!! A girl wants respect no matter who she is.

IF YOU WANT SOMEONE, YOU HAVE TO BE DEVOTED TO SOMEONE. What does this mean? It means that you DO NOT act like a fucking pervert and claim to be crazy about one person at the same time. It doesn't work. THAT'S why that girl won't give Bob a second chance. She doesn't want to have to constantly worry about him turning to other girls for sexual relief through ANY means. She wants him to be devoted. If you can't do that, (guys and girls alike), then just accept reality and the fact that you WILL be alone unless you can get your act together.

This is why I don't tolerate that kind of stuff from anyone. It's a waste of my time and it makes me literally sick. I'm tired of the same guys, which is why I'll hold onto any guy I meet who DOESN'T fall into the stereotypes.

Ahhh...The wonders of high school drama. Please, spare me!

So first of all, I love Jennifer Armintrout. Not in a kinky way, but in a You-totally-fucking-rock-my-blue-socks-off!! kind of way. Her blogging style is hilarious and her books are STELLAR!! Even if she did kinda rip on Laurell K. Hamilton (my other favorite author). Not my issue, so moving on!!

Okay. Yesterday, my high school held its homecoming parade because the actual dance is this weekend. Saturday, to be exact. Am I going? Hell no!! I decided to boycott all dances in 7th grade. Why? Ugh it's a long story that I'm pretty sure no one wants to hear. I don't even want to hear it. BUT I'll tell a story of someone else's drama because it's a story that needs to be told... Nah not really. It's just what I feel like writing about.

'Twas the night before Thursday when all through the room, not a creature was stirring, not even a....uh....broom.... Yeah we'll just skip that part. On a Wednesday that took place a couple weeks ago, my best friend Cassie and I were in the band room talking about girl stuff. Now, she's been seeing this guy Kansas for just over seven months and she's bananas about him. He's a senior and she's a sophomore. A classified hottie, my bff. Anyway, we're talking and she tells me that she's worried about Kansas. Cassie wants to go to homecoming REALLY bad. She even got this gorgeous white dress and a white full body corset to wear under it. (Homecoming theme this year is called Downtown Rhapsody or something like that. It includes glow in the dark and flourescentness. So white is going to be an interesting color to wear. The dance is going to be a total rave even though we convince the district into thinking otherwise). But the thing is, Cassie wants Kansas to ask her to the dance formally. No, excuse me. She said cutely rather than formally. So I offered to talk to him about it.

Keep in mind, I do not have a thing for Kansas. The only reason we tolerate each other is because of Cassie. So the only reason I have his number in my phone is because Cassie uses it sometimes to text him, seeing as she doesn't have her own cell phone.

So I text him after school and after manipulating the situation a bit in order to gain his trust, I ask him if he plans on asking Cassie to the dance. He said that he was thinking about it, but that he just really didn't want to go to the dance. I can sympathize with that. Not only does he just flat out hate dances, he doesn't have the money to pay for a ticket and he won't let Cassie pay for him. As he's telling me this, both of us are instant messaging with Cassie online. I'm trying to explain to her why Kansas doesn't want to go, and all she can think about is, "I don't understand why this is so hard for him. Is it too much for me to ask my boyfriend to go homecoming with me?"

Most of you are probably agreeing with her, but you have to understand just how much Kansas hates dances. Forcing him to go would be like putting a claustrophobic person in a dark closet. I used this analogy in order to help her understand Kansas's side of the whole thing. And then I added that he was willing to go the dance with her but that there were just complications. (ei: money, fear...). If Kansas was willing to go to the dance just because Cassie wanted him to, then we would be sacrificing quite a bit for her. When I told her that, I asked if there was anything she had ever sacrificed for him. She avoided the question, which means no, she hadn't sacrificed anything for him. To be pissed at your significant other because they're reluctant to do something they're afraid of doing.... That's extremely selfish. My best friend was sitting there thinking only about herself and not being considerate of how her boyfriend feels. That is the number one reason relationships fail.

Naturally, she wasn't too happy when I informed her of this. It should be common sense, but whatever. I told her that Love is a word that should only be spoken to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with (not including family and friends). So keeping my definition in mind, I told her that if she really loved Kansas that she wouldn't be so damn selfish. It's okay to want to go to your high school dance, but to not give a shit about your boyfriend's or girlfriend's thoughts on the matter is messed up, especially if you dare to say you love that person. The last thing I said to her was the following: "Two people who love each other will do almost anything to make the other person happy, and that's not what either you or Kansas have been doing. So what does that tell you?"

Of course she didn't respond, but what I was getting at was that they DO NOT really love each other. They are a couple and they are very fond of each other, but if they have constant drama like this, which they do, then they're just fooling themselves.

Still completely disagree? Well listen to this. After I sign off of Meebo.com, I'm just talking to Kansas, and we're trying to come up with alternatives to the homecoming dance. Like maybe he could take Cassie to the park by our school and they could have their own homecoming. Or, seeing as Kansas is in band, I wondered if he could get the band director to let him use one of the rooms in the band hall on Saturday night. But Kansas whiped that notion right off the table. So we were back to square one, and I was getting the feeling that he didn't even want to do something special for Cassie.

I decided to ask the big question. "Do you love Cassie or do you not know? I don't blame you if you're not sure..." That's what I sent him. Now, I added that last part in order to make him feel a little better about being able to tell me the truth. It worked because he said that he didn't know.

I can't remember all that came after that, but somehow we got to talking about more disturbing things. Not only about how deluded Cassie is as to how much she thinks Kansas "loves" her, but also about his deception.

Kansas's ex-girlfriend is named Annette. Just the weekend before, Kansas had gone to Annette's homecoming at her school, but he'd told Cassie that he was going with a bunch of friends. A friend of mine asked me to go to homecoming with him as friends, but I hate dances more than Kansas does, so I turned him down. Unfortunately, I kinda promised to go with him next year... Anyway, Cassie goes to homecoming with my friend because she knows him almost as well as I do. When they get to the dance, she see Kansas walking hand in hand with Annette. Sure, Cassie's confused and pissed off and hurt. She confronts him about it, but he never really says anything. All night, he wouldn't give her a real hug or a kiss or say "I love you" like he usually does. And to make matters worse, all of Annette's friends were going up to Cassie all night and telling her about how Annette wasn't having a good time because Cassie was there. More than once, they told Cassie that she just needed to leave.

Needless to say, the whole night was a shipwreck. After that night, Cassie is paranoid that something is going on between Annette and Kansas. I mean, all the evidence was there. Finally, Anthony (a friend of all of us) tells Cassie that Kansas had been cheating on her for about a month with Annette. Now, Anthony doesn't lie, so this news made Cassie really hysterical. I still wish Anthony would've told me about it, but I guess he thought I would tell Cassie.

As it turns out, I didn't need Anthony to tell me anything. Kansas did it himself. I got him to admit that he had cheated on Cassie with Annette. I promised I wouldn't say anything to Cassie, but that was just so I could maintain what little trust he had in me.

The next day at school, Cassie tells me what Anthony said and that pretty much everyone who knew Kansas knew that he was cheating on her. Cassie was half convinced, but because she wants her fairlytale to fix itself and get rid of all the bad evidence, she just wouldn't end it with Kansas. She was even wearing his letter jacket that day. I was listening to her and trying really hard to decide what to do. Finally, I just took her aside and told her what Kansas had told me. Now there was no doubt of the things everyone had been telling her.

I felt bad because I broke my promise to Kansas, (I hate breaking my promises), but I had to choose between my best friend of several years or my best friend's deceptful boyfriend. Obvioulsy, I chose the one most important to me.

I didn't hear what went down until I got home from school that day. Cassie called and told me what had happened when she confronted Kansas at school. Getting the truth out of him was like pulling teeth, from what I understand, but he finally told her the truth. Most of it, anyway. He admitted to her about cheating with Annette. Personally, I'm pretty sure he had sex with Annette, (Cassie and I both plan on staying celebate until marriage, if it ever comes around. Hence, the biggest reason that Kansas would cheat on Cassie with someone he's sure will put out for him.), but he told her that he didn't. The night before, Cassie had gone to his house to ask him a few questions, and he had grabbed her by face and looked her in the eyes and said, "I love you and I would never cheat on you." After she left his house, he texted me saything that he'd lied to her. I told him that was good, because at the time it was the best thing to do.

Poor Cassie believed it when it was obviously untrue. Kansas told me, of all people, that he didn't love Cassie. But she was still blind after all that. So when she called me after school and told me that she gave him another chance yet again, I was pissed, but I didn't really say anything. She did assure me, though, that she made it clear to Kansas that if he ever cheated on her again, or if she even heard rumor that he had, that they were over for good.

Ladies and gentlemen, that is the biggest pile of bull I've ever heard. Cassie has gone this far to hold onto the guy she thinks she loves. I seriously doubt that she'll be able to end it with him when, not if, he cheats on her again. I know her well enough to know that, and you can be sure that I'll give her hell if she just won't let him go when he treats her like shit yet again.

To bring us to the present day, Kansas had agreed to go to homecoming with Cassie until he found out a couple days ago that he had unexcused absences from some classes, so he can't go, not that he even cares, but Cassie sure does. She's bummed out, but she'll still go, she said. I hope she has a good time...but I have a feeling that Kansas will find his way to Annette or somebody else tomorrow night, and Anthony won't be able to tell Cassie or me because he's out of town for the next week and a half. I won't be anywhere near either of them because I'll be doing my own thing...so I guess we'll just have to wait until the truth leaks out again. *Sigh*

High school sucks donkey balls.