I hate my life

I don't know what to do. I can't move forward no matter how hard I try. I love him enough to give him another chance, but I also hate him enough that I want to erase him from my life. I wish I didn't love him like I do. Either that, or I wish he loved me the way I love him. It doesn't work when you're on two different pages. It doesn't work when I love him more than he loves me. Even knowing this, I can't let go. I wish I could not love him!! I wish I didn't want him!! I wish this with all my heart because I know that since he won't be the boyfriend I need, I'll have to be the one to end it. But I don't have the motivation or will to do it... I'm pushing him, I know. I'm sick and tired of waiting on him all the time. I'm so tired of his excuses. But then the next minute, it seems like he's becoming his old self again, until I get my hopes up. Then he disappoints me once more. Were he to read this, he would take it as a sign to break up with me. He would start telling me that he's a bad person and a waste of space and all kinds of things that just aren't true. What he doesn't understand is that he can take all of my pain away so easily. He says he loves me, and I want to believe him... But he's violated my trust before. Violated it horribly... I would believe that he loves me if would simply prove it! All he has to do is TREAT me like he loves me, and we won't have any problems. It's so easy!! But he won't do it. I don't understand! Is it that he actually doesn't love me? That's what it seems like! I don't see what else it could be. Nothing else makes sense to me. He's playing mind games with me, it seems, and it's killing me slowly but surely. God, please save me. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore. Please....I don't deserve this. Take away my pain, my suffering, my endless confusion. Please do this for me!!