Are we even still together?
I haven't tried to contact him either. I wonder how much longer this will go on....
Has he read my blog? I don't think so.... I think he would've contacted me if he had....
I haven't eaten all day. No... Actually, I had some mints. I'm seeing how long I can go without eating. Why not?
My grandma is sedated again, but her lungs are looking better.
I watched a Lifetime movie today. It was about a girl who was raped at a party. She didn't tell anyone until a year later. Meanwhile, she was extremly depressed, but she never tried to commit suicide, which surprised me....
I should be doing homework.... Reading my History book, that is. My finals are next week. So are Chamber Choir auditions. I really hope we get some good people this year; we're losing a lot of talented seniors, and there are some girls auditioning who really aren't cut out for singing at the Chamber Choir level. Cassie better not back down this year. She freaked out last year and dumped the audition. I'm very anal about choir. Music is very very important to me, and when the people in an auditioned choir are not good enough to be in it, it pisses me off....
I know, I know.... I'm a bitch.
I was thinking about going for a walk, but I don't know where I would go. Maybe to the park.... Or the hospital. Or maybe to the house we're moving to. Luke moved in today. Now it's our turn, and we have to be all moved in by June 1st.
My mom said I could paint the walls in my new room (which is really small, by the way).
I told her I didn't want solid colored walls, but that I wanted a picture or design of some sort. The thing is, none of us are artists. The most I could draw is a crappy flower.... So I have no idea how that's going to turn out.
I love this picture.... It shows a sort of carelessness. They don't care if they're goofy because they're in love. It looks so natural.... I envy them. They're alone, but unlike most teenagers, there is nothing sexual going on. Just a nice walk along the railroad. They are happy simply by being together. They look sweet....
Jay and I went on a walk before. I suggested it, even had to drag him outside. I didn't want it to be anything but a walk together, but a couple times, he made some sexual advances. Nothing serious, though. But it makes me sad that this happens every time we're alone together. I try to avoid it most of the time, but it still happens. The last time I didn't resist it, we ended up in the situation we're currently in. If we're even still together, I'll be reining in my sexual urges, and I expect him to do the same. This will stop, or else we won't be dating anymore.
People call Jay whipped.... But I don't think he is. If he was, he would pursue me.
I'm whipped, I think.... I'm resisting pursuing him because I'm afraid I'm falling to fast and too far.... I don't want to end up hurt, even though it seems inevitable right now....
I don't want to babysit tonight.... But I get paid, so I guess it's worth it. I would still like to go to TGI Friday's, but by the time I'm done with babysitting, I don't know if my dad will pick me up and take me, or if Janine will take me over there, or if my dad and brother will even be there.
Speaking of Janine, her husband Dwight is supposed to be picking me up tonight for babysitting.... We've said maybe 10 words to each other.... This will be SO awkward.... I hate this!! But life is full of awkward situations. I suppose I should just suck it up and get it over with as fast as possible.
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