The only time I wish I was completely unattractive...

You know what I don't get? Why is it that everyone seems to like me all of a sudden? I mean, I can count five guys that like me right now, and one of them asked me out two days ago. This is ridiculous because:

1) He doesn't even know me! I mean, we'd probably said twenty words to each other before he asked me out!

2) Okay, just about everyone knows that I'm kinda sorta hung up on someone else right now. If this person knows that, then why would he bother asking me out? And if he doesn't know, then he's bad at paying attention to details, which is so not a quality that girls want in a guy.

3) HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ME!!

Let's name this guy Chuck. Chuck is a really nice guy. Even though I know virtually nothing about him, I've been able to gather that he's sweet. No, he's not super hott or anything, but he's not fugly either. That's not why I'm going to reject him. The following reasons ARE why I'm going to reject him, though.

A) Chuck knows nothing about me, so how can he possibly expect to have a relationship with me? For all he knows, I could be the biggest bitch alive or a total slut. He wouldn't want to have a relationship with someone like that. Chuck may be nice, but he's sure not a thinker, and I don't like that.

B) Chuck is starting to seem a little bit like a stalker. This past April, I did have a stalker, but he only stalked me in school. Of course, I didn't like him like that; I was merely nice to him. I was/am also nice to Chuck, so I think that's why he's all goo-goo-eyed over me right now. I didn't flirt with him AT ALL. And if I did, I sure as hell don't remeber it, so he has no other reason to like me. Back in April, my stalker would follow me around the school during lunch and in between classes. I started to get stressed out and scared because I couldn't bring myself to just get rid of him. When he asked if I had a boyfriend, I said no, but I should've said yes. When he asked if I wanted to have lunch with him, I should've said no, but I didn't have to heart to do it. I hid from him at lunch instead... and long story short, I ended up with my first ever boyfriend who was supposed to pretend to be my boyfriend so that I'd have an excuse to reject my stalker. It turned out that my "boyfriend" actually wanted to be my boyfriend.... and so we went out, but that's another story for another time. ANYHOO.... Today at lunch, Chuck kept following me everywhere. I would go out in the band hall to talk to Cassie, and Chuck followed right at my heels. I went to the otherside of the band hall and sat on the risers, and Chuck came right along with me and stood by me until the guy I was sitting by got up. Then Chuck decided he needed to sit by me. I was feeling uncomfortable, so eventually, I stood up and walked back into the band room, and wouldn't ya know it? Chuck remained my shadow. I went to sit in a chair, and he came and sat behind me. I didn't really talk to him because I just wanted him to go away. You think he would get a clue...

C) I'm still hung up on Jay. I know I have no chance with him, but I still really like him. Unlike Chuck, I don't stalk my crushes. I've left Jay alone during lunch for the most part...except when I just wanted to see him. He doesn't seem to mind. He doesn't walk away from me like I walk away from Chuck. But more to the point, I don't like Chuck the way he likes me. Maybe if Jay didn't cloud my mind, I might just try going out with Chuck. The thing is, it wouldn't be fair to Chuck if while I dated him, I still had strong feelings for Jay. I can't just make those go away. I wish I could, because my feelings are so not being returned, but it's just not going to happen. If I dated Chuck right now, I would still always be thinking about Jay, and that would make me a shitty girlfriend. I refuse to do that to anyone, so I really just can't date Chuck.

If I explain all of this to him, will he understand and be okay with it? Or will he think I'm lying and just assume that I think he's fugly and annoying. I mean...he is kind of annoying, but that has nothing to do with why I don't have a crush on him. Either tomorrow he'll ask for my phone number, or he'll ask me out again, or he'll wait until early next week to try again. I wish he would just give up, but I doubt it. Either way, I'll have to deal with him and let him down as easily as I can.

Cassie wouldn't be too happy if she read this...