Playing "catch up"

Okay so I haven't blogged since last week and I never posted a "Friday Fiction" piece. The one I'm working on is an old piece I wrote, but it's kind of long, which is why it's taking a while for me to re-type it on here.

So far at school, things haven't gotten much better.

Joe: He still asks for hugs now and then, but he doesn't act as obsessed as Cassie and I prodicted he would. I think it's because I've been ignoring him a little bit, but I make it seem like I just don't notice him...and not on purpose. That's seemed to make him back off quite a bit, which is fine with me. More than fine, really...

Jason: Since the Corn Maze, he's hugged me once, and I'm not sure it could even classify as a hug. I can't really describe it, but from the vibes I'm getting from him, he's hesitant about touching me becaue he wants to play it cool. Jason is one of those guys who comes off as a "playa", (as I've said before), so when he likes a girl, he ignores her. That's his tactic, and it's somewhat similar to mine. I'm never the first one to make a move. Anyway, I have no idea if he still likes me right now or not, and I don't plan on asking. I guess I still like him, but if I had to make a list, he would be my third preference out of the guys that like me.

Casey: He acts like he likes me...but he also acts like he has a crush on evey other girl he sees. I hate that. I know I do it to an extent, but people know my motives for acting the way I do, and if they don't, then perhaps they should look harder. Anyway, Casey is another mystery to me. I would date him, but I just have this feeling that it wouldn't last long. He's too much of a loose cannon, and I couldn't handle that. Jake was like that, and it made me nervous. That's one reason we only lasted three weeks... ANYway... I need to know what Casey's thinking before I can really determine anything for myself. Plus, he hasn't even asked me out, so I'm thinking nothing's even gonna happen where he's concerned.


Jay: Jay...Jay Jay Jay... I like saying his real name much more than I like saying his protective name that I've given him. He's been...different...still. I have no idea what he's thinking, and I hate that to no end...just like I hate that Casey's a huge flirt. That's one of the reasons I like Jay so much. If he likes a girl, he won't let on. When he liked me, it was different because he expressed it online. Then again, when he officially liked me, it was a Friday night and we weren't going to be able to see each other until Monday. But he ended up being sick on Monday, so he wasn't at school. When I talked to him that night, he said he'd been waiting for me to get home so we could IM. He said that he worked at home just so he could be there when I got back. I miss that side of him terribly, but I guess I screwed it up and now things are just plain sucky. But the point is, if that other girl wouldn't have shown up just then, he might've shown his affection towards me on Tuesday, but wouldn't ya know it? Monday night, she ruins everything at the exact moment that I start to be a little happy.

*Sigh*

You know, I have my choice of guys. I'm well aware of this, but still, Jay is the one I want the most. Even though I know Jason will actually hold me and be sweet to me, and Casey actually talks to me all the time and hugs me and tickles me, Jay is still my number one. No joke. If Casey asked me out, right now, I think I would say yes, but if by some wacko miracle Jay asked me out while I was with Casey, I would be very tempted to leave Casey for Jay. I feel horribly ashamed saying this, but I know it's the truth. The only reason I would be so quick to leave Casey is because I know how fast Jay can change his mind, and I'm always afraid of somehow missing out on a chance to be with him. I would take him in a second if he asked me to. It seems like even though I keep saying I've lost faith in the possibility of a relationship with Jay, I'm still hoping that he'll come back to me some how. What does this mean? I have no idea, and I'm a little hesitant to know....

Any ideas?